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Javelin 401
Mel Nichols, with a little help from some friends, raps about the newest (and maybe the last) pony car to come out of America.
SIT DOWN and I'll tell you a story It's about a young man who loved pony cars, and when the very, very latest one came along he went out and bought it.
It was a Rambler Javelin 401, with bright orange paint and black panels in the roof.
Oh, he didn't really have to worry about the $9970 it cost. His grandmother whom he had loved dearly, had left him all the money from her string of coalmines, and he was very rich.
Now, when he first saw the car he thought My, my, and went and stood looking at it with his nose pressed against the window. He said to himself: That Is For Me. I will be King Of The Town in that.
And the very next day the young man went along with his cheque book and he bought the car, right there on the spot.
The salesman, who had the nicest pair of suede shoes, told him it was the only one in Australia, and even when the others were made there would only be 39 of them. it was truly a prestige car.
When they handed him the keys, and told him it was All His they also gave him a little scroll. It was clasped with a red seal. Carefully the young man broke the seal and opened out the scroll. He saw that it was the brochure telling him all about his Javelin. How very clever, how very nice he thought.
He read the brochure which was black with white lettering and it told him that in his Javelin he would be able to indulge in the private joys of jet-setting because it was a motoring masterpiece with a personal specification all to itself.
He would, it told him as he read with awe, be able to take control of 401 cubic inches in the shattering four barrel V8 that made Javelin the US TransAm road racing champion.
There were lots and lots of other things too. He would be safe inside a twin canopy vinyl cabriolet roof He would be protected by a guard rail door structure and he would be able to relax to the soothing sounds of miraculous search-and-find radio and eight-track stereo. He would be in a luxury sports machine reserved for the true individualist.
The young man felt good as he drove it out into the street. He saw the other drivers looking. They were green with envy.
Because he was still a working man (his granny had told him he should keep on working so that he would not lose the real things in life and preserve his sense of value) he drove the car down through the town to his office. All the way, people looked at him and his car, and he knew he really was in something very special. Once or twice pretty girls even stepped off the footpath in the hope that he would stop and let them walk across the road in front of him. They smiled ever so enticingly, and he began to enjoy his Rambler Javelin very much indeed.
When he arrived at his office, he went straight to the telephone and rang up a young lady he had met the very night before. He had not told her about his motor car. He wanted it to be a surprise when he arrived to take her out for dinner, and perhaps a little dancing that evening.
She was a very beautiful young lady so he put on his best new suit, and he wasn't even late getting to her house. Carefully, he ushered her into the luxury of the car's head-high, body-hugging bucket seats that would caress her at they drove along.
She did not say anything, but he could see that she liked the motor car. He had to stop himself asking: what do you think of it? and instead he fiddled with the air conditioning and changed tape cartridges and even, when they were stopped at traffic lights, adjusted the "adjust-o-tilt" steering column.
This was something very special. It moved the steering column up or down to suit the driver's height, except that when it was right down, the wheel touched on the driver's legs so that he could not really drive. But, he told his young lady, it was the thought that counted.
This steering system was so easy too. Why, he just had to turn it with his little finger. That would be the power assistance. it was so good you could not even feel the road. Not ever.
As they went across the town to the restaurant he had chosen--it was on top of a cliff, looking out across the harbor, and it was so romantic-- the engine was so quiet they could not even hear it. There was just the loud hiss from the air conditioning.
At the restaurant car park, the man who was the attendant came running up to park the Javelin.
Well, they had a splendid evening, and afterwards the young man suggested that they go and walk along a deserted beach in the moonlight.
But when they were half-way there--it was a long way from their part of town, about 35 miles or more --he noticed that the fuel gauge was going down at a simply alarming rate.
Oh dear, he thought. We could be in trouble. Those nasty petrol men are out on strike again. I won't be able to get any petrol and just one tankful has to last me the whole weekend. So, the poor young man, he had to take the young lady home and they never did get to have their walk on the beach.
Bright and early the next day he was up. He drove up to his friends' house. One of these friends, a very common boy really, had a Falcon GT Hardtop. The young man wanted to show this boy what a real pony car was like, one with a proper engine and not one of those little 351 things.
So the Falcon man and two more of the young man's friends got into the orange Javelin and they all drove out towards a nice, smooth, twisty road where he would show them how his TransAm winner really went. Oh, they were excited.
But the Good Fairy could not have been pleased with the young man that day, for when they were pulled up at the lights alongside a Falcon station wagon with a V8 badge on its side, and he grinned sympathetically at its driver, something very nasty happened.
The young man pushed the Javelin throttle flat to the floor, opening up all those four barrels and those 401 cubic inches with all their 245 horsepower. But the Falcon got away. It beat him! The Javelin didn't get going until the little needle in the thing they called the tachometer touched 2000. But his kind friends did not laugh. They understood that it was just a new ear. And anyway, soon they would come to a rough road and there he would show them how superior his Javelin was to that bone-shaking cheap Falcon GT, not to mention some of the "sporty" things the other boys drove.
He was full of confidence because on the highways and expressways the ride of the Javelin was so smooth. Why, it was almost like his grandmother's Mercedes Benz had been.
But oh dear, when they arrived at the dirt, the Javelin was not good at all. It actually bounced and jounced a lot, and they were jarred in their seats. The heads of the boys in the back were hit on the roof. And, there were even rattles! Lots and lots of them, all over the dashboard and in other places.
Well, never mind, the young man said. Soon we will come to the bends and there the Javelin will be really at home.
On the way, he moved the big handle in the console that controlled the Torque Command three-speed automatic, the smoothest auto he'd ever know the brochure had sold, and asked the boys to try to pick the gear changes. They couldn't, and they even said it really was a thing of great beauty. He was very proud.
Doing this also showed how smooth and really how strong the engine was once it got going, too. It had so much torque it felt as if it could pull a tug boat. And really, the Falcon man said, it could rev terribly well for such a big engine. It was a pleasant thing even if it couldn't beat a station wagon.
Now, when they came to the winding road, which climbed up a mountain and which the young man knew very well, he said: Hold On.
He left the automatic stick in the second position and into the comers they charged. He was quite a good driver, and he knew how to line the car up properly, just like the racing drivers do.
But something was wrong.
"I think it understeers," the young mere said. "And it must like doing it very much. It wants to keep doing it. Look!" His friends nodded.
My, my, how they nodded. They had not seen anything like it before. So at the next bend the young man slowed down a little bit and tried very hard. He was frowning, because even if the car liked understeer he did not, and he thought he would get rid of it. But, being such an individual motor car, the Javelin was having none of this. Oh no, it was going to understeer all it wanted. And, alas, it did.
He was very persistent, our young man and he kept trying very hard, using every technique he knew although still trying to stay smooth in his driving because he did not want to sway his friends around. But try as he may, he could not keep his speed above 55 mph. Not that it really mattered, because the ear felt as though it was doing 75 mph, or even more.
Soon, they turned around and headed home, and at the bottom of the hill the young man put on his brakes. They were power assisted ventilated front discs.
You will never guess what happened Why, the Javelin's tail went flashing out sideways. It was trying to pass the front of the car, and the young man had to twirl the wheel with lightning speed to stop it going right around into a whole spin!
Thank goodness the steering was so light, for he had to turn the wheel five times. It was not at all like the variable ratio power thing on Fords and Holdens which let you turn the wheel less than three times from side to side.
The young man did not try pushing hard on the brakes again. They had this funny smell and the pedal went down a long way now anyway.
So he continued on home.
And it was then that his luck changed.
Lo and behold, there beside the road was a lovely blonde young lady hitchhiking.
She smiled gaily, and the young man knew again how wonderful his car looked from the outside. Out he hopped, and picked up the big knapsack she was carrying. He opened the boot, but, oh dear, the knapsack would not fit. The spare wheel was taking up all the space.
But it was no problem. They lust found a little piece of rope and tied the knapsack onto the rear deck lid luggage rack. So that was what it was for!
The rest of the trip was uneventful. The young man drove very, very slowly because all his petrol was gone now. Such a big engine needed 15 whole gallons to cover the 150 miles they'd done.
It was late when the young man arrived home. He had a big glass of milk and went straight to his room. But before he went to sleep, he knelt down beside his bed and pleaded to his Good Fairy:
"Please, please Good Fairy," he said, "I know there are only 39 others and I know how much the young ladies love it. But won't you please take it away? Can't I please have a BMW 3.0S, or an XJ6, or a Mercedes 280, or even a V12 E-type.
"We'll only have to pay a few more teeny little dollars, and we'll even get some change on the XJ6!"
The young man's grandmother had taught him well. He had not lost his sense of value. It was there all the time.
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